


I'm still standing

by writingformadderton



Series: Rocketman-Based on our fantasy [22]
Category: Rocketman (2019), Taron Egerton - Fandom, richard madden - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood, Domestic Fluff, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fights, Kissing, M/M, Therapy, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:33:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25307542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingformadderton/pseuds/writingformadderton
Summary: Whenever Richard feels stressed he starts drinking. Taron and he both suffer underneath it. One morning Taron asks him to get help from a professional which leads to a heated argument ending with Richard hurting Taron physically. That’s the moment Richard realizes he has to change something and luckily Taron is by his side through the whole process.
Relationships: Taron Egerton/Richard Madden
Series: Rocketman-Based on our fantasy [22]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1530287
Kudos: 9





	I'm still standing

It all started a few months ago. Richard and Taron had a bad day at work and decided to go out for a couple of drinks. They had fun, got drunk and shared some drunken smiles and kisses. Richard went over his limit and threw up, Taron was by his side comforting him of course. Neither of them could’ve seen that evening changing everything. Their healthy and happy relationship, their lives together and apart. Whenever things didn’t go as planned in their work days, they found themselves at the bar or somewhere else they could drink. While Taron drank for fun and didn’t push his limits, Richard drowned his sorrows and stresses with alcohol. It wasn’t fun to live with, for Taron or Richard himself. It became a normal routine, 2-3 times a week they would come home with a miserable feeling Richard. The only change in routine was if Rich threw up, passed out, or had a mental breakdown. But the worst was when it all happened in the same night.

“Careful, I’m gonna open the door now.” Taron says searching for his keys while holding Richard up. He finds them in his jacket pocket tangled in his charger and opens the door, walking in with Richard. T takes off Rich’s jacket and shoes and watches as his boyfriend gets extremely pale. 

“I think I’m gonna-“ Rich retches and races to the bathroom. Taron sighs and slowly takes off his jacket, still standing in the entrance. He hangs it up and makes his way to the bathroom where Rich is throwing up violently. Again. He stands in the doorway and his heart clenches sadly as he watches his boyfriend suffer. T knows it’s Rich’s own fault but he still feels bad for him. He gets down on his knees and rubs his back, gently running his fingers through the soft brown locks. “Let it all out Rich.” He speaks and holds back a sigh. Taron stopped counting how often this happens a long time ago. 

Richard finally stops and tries to catch his breath. He leans back against Taron, who’s sitting behind him, and closes his eyes. “I feel awful.” Rich whines softly and presses his hands against his aching stomach. 

“I know.” Taron responds, his voice low as he puts his hand over Richard’s. He gently rubs his hand and takes deep breaths. It helps Rich control his breathing hearing it come from Taron. Richard groans and slumps in Taron’s arms. “Oh wonderful.” He sighs and lays him on the floor on his back and tries to keep himself calm. It panicked T every single time seeing his boyfriend passed out, afraid he wouldn’t wake up again. He gently hits Richard on his cheeks, trying to bring him back. “You stupid idiot. Why didn’t you stop him?” Taron speaks harshly to himself. Why wasn’t he more strict on Richard and his drinking? He knows his limit better than Rich does, yet he still lets him go past it every time. Frustrated tears begin to form in his eyes. “Wake up. Please wake up!” He could’ve stopped it a thousand times if he was brave enough. Richard gets a little harsh when he’s drunk or the day after if you’re not careful. That’s what Taron always fears. He is afraid Richard would leave him if he doesn’t let him chase his hunger for alcohol. He is constantly concerned about the outcome if Richard does not slow down, or if Taron decided to stop caring. But the last few months have been tough for Taron and he worries as he sees Rich’s happiness disappear slowly in the last couple months. Richard moans and open his eyes slowly. Taron fights back tears and takes his hand into his own. “Hey, you okay?” T asks softly. 

Rich sits up slowly and looks at his boyfriend utterly confused. How did he end up on the bathroom floor? “What happened?” He asks quietly and wipes away a single tear on Taron’s cheek. Taron presses his lips together and shakes his head. Richard begins to realize what just took place in their bathroom and he looks into the tear filled eyes of his boyfriend. “I’m sorry.” He whispers tiredly and bites his lip, unable to look T in the face. 

“It’s okay.” Taron stands up, mentally telling himself to relax and be strong. “You want some water?” He asks the Scott man while forcing a smile. Rich nods. He leaves the bathroom and walks into the kitchen to get a glass and even out his heart rate. He’s already preparing himself for the moment Richard breaks down emotionally, just like every other time he upsets T like tonight. He turns around with a full glass in his hand and sees Rich standing in the doorway of the kitchen. 

Rich is shaking and tears stream down his face. His breaths short and uncontrollable. “I’m sorry T.” He breaths out and glances at Taron. 

Taron puts the glass down and opens his arms. His boyfriend hesitates, walking slowly over. “It’s okay, come here.” Taron assures him gently and pulls him into a hug. Richard leans his shaking body against him and sobs into his shirt. “Shhh it’s okay Rich. I’m here.” He says and rubs his back. They stand there for a while until Richard calms down. “Let’s get you to bed.” Taron speaks and pats him on the back gently. He desperately holds back his own anger and sadness to make Richard feel comfortable and safe. Even though he is the younger one, he feels the need to protect Rich. T gets him to bed, changing his clothes and wiping his face with a wet rag before letting Rich knock out for the rest of the night. Taron looks at his boyfriend and sighs, settling in bed and closing his eyes.

The next morning, Taron gets up early and decides to clean around the house a bit. He gets to the kitchen and the full glass still sits on the counter. He turns the radio on and starts making a cup of coffee. Next to the cup, he puts a new glass of water and aspirin. Richard appears in the doorway, looking as if he hasn’t slept in a week. “Good morning love.” Taron says and walks towards him. 

Richard groans and contorts his face. “Turn the radio down, T.” He says a bit harshly and sits down at the table. Oh boy, this will be fun. 

Taron turns off the radio and tries not to reflect Richard’s behavior on himself. It did hurt him that he didn’t get a good morning kiss or at least a simple good morning back. He sits down and watches him take the pill. “How are you feeling?” He asks Rich and reaches out for his hand that’s laying on the table. 

Richard pulls his hand away and glares at him. “Can you just shut up for a second?” He spits out rudely.

Taron raises his eyebrows speechless. He takes a deep breath before speaking. “Oh I’m sorry Rich. I forgot I’m just your boyfriend living in the same house.” His sarcasm clear as he holds back the anger boiling inside him. 

“You’re serious right now?” Richard says, giving him a contemptuous look. 

“Yes! I can’t take your asshole behavior anymore when I’m the one taking care of you.” Taron holds back tears and his throat tightens. “I can’t live like this anymore. You seriously need help.” Richard looks at him, remaining silent and unbothered. “Do you even care how much this hurts for me?” Taron’s voice cracks and a tear finally rolls down his face. 

“I could ask you the same. You don’t seem to care at all about how I’m feeling.” Rich speaks, still unbothered.

Now Taron has had it. His anger spills out in his voice. “Is carrying you home every time not enough? Is comforting you when you throw up not important to you? Waking you up when you pass out? Does telling you that you did nothing wrong when you’re breaking down over and over again not seem like caring to you?” He begins to yell with tears are coming down his face furiously. He was sick of it. He did everything possible and still Richard was pissy for it. He’s trembling with the mixed emotions in his heart. “Please” his voice comes down. “Let us find someone that can help you.”

“I don’t want your help Taron! Goddammit give me some space!” It was Richard’s turn to yell. He glares at Taron with pure anger. 

“Then you shouldn’t have taken me as your boyfriend. Because surprise surprise, I care about you!” T says furiously, his anger coming back out to play. Richard feels his blood boil and grabs his glass of water, standing up. He starts towards the living room. “Yeah, walk away. You want me to bring you some bottles to cope with this?” Taron blurts out angrily.

“Oh fuck you!” Richard screams and turns around, throwing his glass towards the floor. Or at least that was the idea. The glass broke against the table and shards stuck themselves into Taron’s hand. 

Taron lets out a painful scream and looks down at his now bleeding hand. “You really lost your fucking mind!” He says through gritted teeth.

Richard freezes, shock taking over his body as he looks at his boyfriend. His anger subsides as quickly as it appeared, and guilt takes over. He begins to speak gently. “Taron I’m-“ 

Taron cuts him off by standing up and walking out of the dining room. He hears Richard calling his name, but he ignores him and hurries to the bathroom, shutting the door. His breathing is heavy as he searches for a pincette and antiseptic. His hand is bleeding from all the cuts, large and small. He turns on the water and sits his hand underneath it, the sink a bloody mess. He finds what he’s searching for and tries to calm his shaking hand. Annoyed with himself, he wipes away his tears to clear his vision. He removes some of the shards with sharp breaths. His left cheek is burning strangely, which causes him to look in the mirror. A single drop of blood is rolling down his face and on to his chin, leaving a stain. He slowly takes the shard out of his cheek and breathes slowly. The shock is still in control of his body. He can’t believe what just happened. It was the first time Richard lost control and hurt him physically. He crouches down and cries. His breathing is shaky and uneven as he tries to get air into his lungs. Blood from his hand dropping onto the white floor tiles. 

Richard comes upon the door and sees his boyfriend sitting there completely devastated. What did he just do? He can’t believe he hurt Taron. Richard is scared of the reaction he’ll get trying to help the Welsh boy. But he at least has to try. He doesn’t want Taron to keep bleeding on the floor or have a panic attack. “Taron…” He speaks quietly, almost inaudible.

His boyfriend jumps at the sound of his voice and stands up, stumbling back a bit. “Get away from me.” T says warily, fear in his eyes and lips quivering. 

“I won’t hurt you, I promise.” Rich tried to assure him. 

“Richard. Go. Away.” Taron stumbles again and hits the wall behind him. 

Rich slowly walks towards him and looks him straight in the eyes, trying to ignore the blood stain on his face. What has he done? “Please, let me help you.” He whispers with tears forming. He hesitantly takes Taron’s bleeding hand and shudders seeing what he did. Taron stands still and stares at the floor. He leads them out and into their bedroom, sitting Taron on the bed. Richard leaves and gets a bowl of warm water, the pincette, the antiseptic, and another bowl that’s empty for the glass pieces. He sits down in front of Taron, who is still shaking and breathing shortly. He carefully begins to remove the pieces. “I’m truly sorry. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you.” He looks up and stares directly into his boyfriend’s eyes.

“It wasn’t okay to make the comment about the bottles.” Taron squeaks out and looks away from Richard. 

"Don’t even think that. There shouldn’t be anything you say or do that would make me want to hurt you.” Richard explains and takes out the last shard of glass and places Taron’s hand in the bowl of warm water. Silence coats the atmosphere while the water turns red. Richard raises his hand to Taron’s face and gently cleans up the blood stain. 

"Do you even love me?”

Richard frowns and stops his movements. “Of course I love you.” 

“Do you love me like you did before the alcohol came around?” T looks directly into those bright blue eyes. 

Richard looks at Taron slightly confused. “I love you and I know I’ll never be able to give back what you do for me. Listen, T, I’ve said some dumb things before and I’m sorry that I lost control.” He takes Taron’s hand and puts antiseptics on it, causing Taron to suck in a breath and whine at the burning sensation. “Shhh it’ll be over soon.” Rich comforts him and wraps gauze around his hand. 

When Richard comes back from washing the bowls out and cleaning up the blood in the bathroom, Taron watches him carefully. “Listen Rich, I’ve been thinking. About us.” Taron spits out. 

Richard freezes at his words in the middle of the room. Was Taron going to break up with him? It would probably be for the best after the situation this morning.

“I love you, I really do. But this here, is a mess. I really don’t wanna do this but-“

Richard plops down in the armchair and looks at Taron with fear in his eyes. Did he just lose the most precious thing in his life? “Just say it. Please.” He pleads with tears welling in his eyes.

Taron doesn’t dare to look at him. “Can we please get you some help from a therapist?” T lets out softly. He tenses slightly, fearing another outburst from Rich. “I will do everything to support you in the process.”

Richard sits there, not believing his ears. He was certainly sure Taron would leave him, but yet he’s offering his help. After he hurt him in one of the worst ways. How did he deserve such a kind soul with a big heart? Richard agrees and smiles a little at his boyfriend.

The next day, they sit in the waiting area of a therapist’s office Taron called. Richard is a nervous wreck, staring at the clock the entire time. Finally, they are called and walk into the room. 

An unfriendly looking gentleman sits in his chair and welcomes them harshly. “Which one of you is Richard?” He sighs rolling his eyes. The blue eyes man raised his hand slightly. “Okay. The other one, out!” He spits.

Taron frowns and already wants to leave, but Richard beats him to it. He grabs T’s hand and walks out of the room and out the building. Richard keeps walking, pulling T behind him. “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” He says. 

Taron stops walking and forces Richard to do the same. “Come on. We talked about this Rich.” He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. 

Richard takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “I’ll do it I promise. I can’t do it where I won’t have you by my side. I refuse.” He speaks firmly but there’s something in his eyes. Insecurity and shame. He swallows the tears building up and lets go of Taron’s hand. “I need you T.”

Taron smiles and takes his boyfriend in his arms. “We’re gonna find someone.” He whispers. Richard buries his face in his neck and holds him close. I’ll be by your side.”

“And that guy was a dick.” Rich mumbles into his neck, making Taron laugh. 

They walk to the nearby park and sit down on a bench under a tree. Taron searches for other therapists in the city on his phone. Richard is lying his head in Taron’s lap and staring up at the sky, feeling himself relax. Taron gently plays in his hair. After a little while, Taron finds a match and makes the call. “She has a 3 hour window before her next appointment. We can go in now.” Taron says after the call and looks down at Richard. Rich nods slowly and sits up.

They make their way to her office, hand in hand. Not long after they arrive, a woman opens the door with a bright and welcoming smile. They sit down in a room that radiates comfort. “So what I want to know from you Richard is would you like to proceed with or without Taron? Typically people choose to go in alone, but it’s up to you.” She asks with a warm smile. 

“I would prefer to have him with me.” Rich responds and takes Taron’s hand in his own. T squeezes it gently to show him he’s right there with him. 

“Okay. Why don’t you tell me a bit about your situation?” She asks and sits back, getting comfortable. 

Taron and Richard take turns. Whenever Rich doesn’t know how to explain, Taron takes over just enough to get Rich to speak again. “The next weeks will be a challenge. But if you continue to work together like today, then I see no problems arising. We’re gonna start weekly sessions and track your progress.” She says with a smile to the two men. They create a schedule for next week and thank her for her time, leaving the office grateful.

“Goddammit Rich!” Taron groans and closes his eyes. Richard chuckles and kisses the scratch on his cheek. He carefully cleans Taron’s hand and wraps a new gauze around it. “This shit is burning.” 

They go into the living room and Rich sits down on the sofa. He pats his lap and Taron sits on it. Richard carefully places a kiss on Taron’s lips. “I feel pathetic every time I look at you and see what I did to you.” He mumbles and leans back. Taron shakes his head and smiles softly. God how much he loved his boyfriend. “You really don’t deserve such an idiotic mess like me.” 

“It’s not idiotic to get help when you need it. And the thing is, I love you.” Taron says and watches his boyfriend carefully, seeing regret and shame in his eyes. He curls up against him, showing Rich he still trusts him. Richard rests his head against Taron’s and sighs. “We’re gonna get through it, okay?” Richard nods and relaxes. Their phones start to buzz and Taron picks up his looking at the screen. Jaime sent a text to their groupchat. “It’s just Jaime. He wants to know if we wanna meet him and Bryce for lunch in 3 days.” Taron speaks and looks at Richard. 

Rich just nods tiredly and closes his eyes, wrapping his arms around T and drifting off to sleep. Taron smiles and curls up in Rich’s lap, feeling himself go to sleep as well. 

3 days later, Taron stands in the kitchen cleaning up the plates from the previous evening. He’s a bit worried because soon enough, Richard would have to fight extremely hard against the urge to have a drink. And if he was in a sour mood, it would be for good reason. He hears Rich’s familiar footsteps coming down the stairs and takes a deep breath. It’s gonna be alright, he tells himself mentally. 

“Taron?” Rich says, a slight crack in his voice.

“In here lovely.” Taron says and closes the dishwasher. 

Richard appears in the doorway shaking, his skin pale. “I don’t feel so good.” He admits as a single tear falls down his face. 

Taron looks at him and remains calm. He needs to support Richard in a way that is most beneficial to him. They have to figure it out together. That was what the therapist said in their last session. “Can I help you in any way?” Taron asks. 

“Can you just hold me for a bit please?” Rich’s voice is shaky and he doesn’t dare look at Taron. He feels like a complete mess and doesn’t want to be a burden for Taron. 

Taron leans against the kitchen counter and opens his arms. “Sure. Come here love.” He speaks gently. 

Richard walks towards him and wraps his arms around T. He feels safe in his boyfriend’s arms and relaxes a little. “Do I have to go to lunch with Jaime and Bryce?” He asks timidly. 

“Of course not. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” Taron assures him and rubs his back gently. He’s unsure what will help Rich feel better in this moment. 

“But you should go.”

“You sure? It’s no problem for me to stay here.” Taron places a soft kiss on his head. 

“You need something else to do today other than me. And I think some alone time would help me.” Richard lies. He doesn’t want Taron to go at all. He needs him by his side and wants to be held all day. But he loved him too much to do that to him.

“Hm okay love.” Taron sighs and kisses his forehead. He squeezes him one last time before grabbing his keys and leaving for lunch. 

Taron felt bad sitting here with Jaime and Bryce having fun, while Rich is back at home. He told him to call whenever he needed him, but he knew Richard wouldn’t do it. He explained to them that Rich wasn’t feeling good and decided to stay home. 

"What happened to your hand T?” Bryce asks with concern laced in her voice. 

“I cut myself badly in the kitchen. But it’s alright. Rich took care of it.” He responds with a small smile.

“And the scratch on your face?” Jaime asks, not believing his friend and watching him suspiciously. It was no secret to them how Richard’s behavior was when he had too many drinks. Taron looks up and searches for the right words. “Was he drunk yesterday? Is that the reason he couldn’t come today? Or did you not want him here after he hurt you?” Jaime spoke harshly. He was prying, trying to get the truth. “I’m surprised you stay Taron with the way he treats you when he’s like that.” 

Taron looks at his friend speechless and puts down his spoon. He felt nauseous. He should’ve stayed home. “I’ll be back in a minute.” He says and stands up, making his way to the bathroom. Bryce shoots Jaime a glare and rolls her eyes. Taron looks at himself in the mirror. Tired eyes, a long scratch on his cheek, and his destroyed hand. He braces himself on the sink and takes deep breaths. “Just tell them why Rich isn’t here.” He says to himself and stands up straight, walking back out. 

Bryce sees the hurt in Taron’s eyes from Jaime’s words and decides to take control of the situation. “Taron, we just want to help. We know how Rich treats you when he’s drunk. We’re just concerned for the both of you.” She says softly and holds his healthy hand. 

“I’m sorry I was so harsh with my words. I’m just worried about you man.” Jaime apologizes with guilt on his face. 

Taron looks at them with a small smile. “Listen, I’m honored you’re worried about me. But there’s no need to be. Yes, it escalated a bit a few days ago. But we’ve got him in therapy now.” Taron admits proudly. Both Bryce and Jaime look shocked. “He’s having a pretty bad day and didn’t want to sit opposite of you two and your wine glasses.”

“I’m so sorry! We’ve should’ve asked beforehand. If you two need any help at all, please don’t hesitate to ask.” Bryce says with a bright smile and squeezes T’s hand. 

T nods and smiles at them both, but then thinks of Rich. “Guys, would it be alright if I leave early? I just-“ He starts but they cut him off. 

"Sure!” They say happily. 

Taron hugs them both tight and leaves some money on the table, making his way to his home. Back home, Taron felt a lot better. He finds Richard in the living room on the floor. His legs are tucked up to his chest and his face is buried in his knees. “Hey love.” Taron speaks quietly. Richard groans in response. “You need some space?” He asks. He nods and Taron turns around to leave him alone. 

"Taron? I’m sorry. Can you stay with me?” He begs and looks up at his boyfriend. Taron smiles a little and nods. He sits down next to him and leans back against the sofa. Richard moves and sits between Taron’s legs. He leans against him and closes his eyes. “I feel like absolute shit.” He says and chuckles weakly. “My whole body begs me to drink again.”

Taron carefully grabs his hand and kisses his temple. “I have something for you to eat if you want. If I remember correctly, you haven’t eaten today.” Taron states. 

Richard nods. “Give me 5 minutes.” He smiles. 

“Take your time. We don’t have anywhere to go.” Taron assures and Rich cuddles into him. Taron plays with his hair and they sit in a comfortable silence. Eventually, they get up and sit at the table. Taron serves Richard the food he brought back for him. 

"Oh my god! T, you’re the best!” Richard’s eyes light up with joy as he puts a forkful of noodles in his mouth. Taron laughs loudly watching his boyfriend. “Stop laughing at me!” Richard says serious but breaks out into laughter. 

“I’m sorry.” Taron says through giggles and tries to calm down. He leans forward and places a kiss on Richard’s lips. 

“What was that for?” Rich asks smiling. 

“Nothing. You’re just adorable.” Taron admits with a smile. Richard stops eating and kisses him again. He takes Taron’s damaged hand and slowly strokes his knuckles. “God I love you so much.” Taron breathes out and grabs Richard’s neck to bring him closer. He kisses him passionately and relaxes. 

Two months later, they find themselves at a bar they used to frequent often before. It’s a test for Richard to see if he can resist it. It’s hard and his fingers are wrapped tight around his alcohol free Shirley Temple. Taron’s talking to Bryce about a meter away. “I’m Still Standing” begins to play throughout the bar. 

“Heyy Richard! I haven’t seen you here in a while. Let’s get a round of drinks going.” The man next to him pats his shoulder smiling wildly. He tries to lead him towards the bar. 

“Hey Joey. Thanks, but I don’t drink.” Richard says firmly, trying to sound convincing. 

Joey was a heavy drinker and was always open to drink with Rich until he wasn’t able to see clearly anymore. “What happened to you boy?” Joey asks stunned. He steps back from Rich.

I got a taste of love in a simple way.

“I just realized there was something more important in my life.” Rich looks over at Taron and meets his eyes. He smiles and looks at Joey again. 

And if you need to know why I’m still standing, you just fade away. 

“Goodbye Joey.” Rich says nodding and walks over to his boyfriend who’s laughing hysterically at something Bryce said. Richard grabs Taron’s hand and kisses him. 

“What was that for?” Taron asks and looks at him giggling. 

“Nothing. You’re just adorable.” Richard teases and chuckles when he sees Taron’s face. “Give us a minute.” He says to Bryce and takes Taron outside. Bryce smirks and looks over at Jaime, who shakes his head chuckling. 

“I’m so proud of you. You did so well!” Taron says happily to his boyfriend and squeezes his hand. Richard smiles but feels his heart rate increase and pushes Taron up against the wall. He presses their lips together hungrily and his hands explore Taron’s body. Taron moans when he bites his lip and grabs Rich’s neck. Richard slips his hands under T’s shirt and feels his hot skin. Taron grabs his hands and pulls them away. “Slow down Rich.” He mumbles while kissing him. “Not here.”

Richard groans. “Well let’s go home.”

Taron chuckles and pulls him closer. “We can’t just leave Bryce and Jaime here.” As quickly as he spoke, his phone buzzed with a message from the groupchat. Get a room you two! - Jaime

“Well, that’s the plan.” Rich smirks and pulls Taron away from the bar.


End file.
